Things you come to know only in retrospect, when you're lying exhausted in a hotel room in a foreign land, specifically that kingdom where your fictional husband William lives:
1. Do not overpack. Wherever you are in the world, even in cold countries, travel light! One coat is enough, really. Really. I brought three, plus two jackets, two sets of gloves, one pashmina shawl, two scarves, two sweaters (oh sorry, jumper), and a cardigan. Hello 'di 'ba. My arms are wilting from the weight of it all. And because my hands are tied down by my bags, I can't take one decent picture. I blame Duncan, my English officemate/friend who told me to bring lots of clothes to layer, and of course myself for being my overpacking self hahaha.
2. Wear comfortable shoes. London is a city made for walking. They have cobble-stoned paths, small, winding streets and traffic lights that work. If your stilettos are made for sitting down and being pretty, you won't be able to handle this city. Low-heeled boots and and rubber shoes are the way to go.
3. Walk as fast as you can. And then faster. This ain't lazy Manila, baby. Duncan picked me up at the airport and just practically zipped away - with my amazingly huge luggage. I couldn't keep up! And I'm a relatively fast walker. I had to tell him to wait for me. Meanwhile, everyone was saying "excuse me" and passing me by. They aren't being rude, it's just the way they are. They walk fast because it's cold and they generate more body heat when they move quickly. In Manila, you move slower because you want to stay cool and keep the sweat at bay. Whatever works, right?
4. Look to your left. Oh wait, no. RIGHT. Look to your right. See, I almost got hit by a taxi.
5. Speaking of taxis, you can ask the cabbie anything. They know everything! In London, taxi and shuttle drivers are trained in a 14-week course, basically about how to be a good ambassador to all those entering the city. After completing the course they take an exam and, depending on their grade, get to drive for two or four years each time (or something like that). Coolness.
6. Don't be afraid to get lost. Everyone has the capacity to be nice, remember that. You can always ask for directions. Just don't forget #2.
7. Do drink beer. Yummy. On my first night I had a drink at Queens Head, a pub in Hammersmith, near my hotel. I had Indian pale ale (tastes a bit like San Mig), Guinness (black and thick and bitter), and another one can't remember. UK has a very high drinking rate, which they say is a problem, but with the number of pubs they have (I've seen at least three on one block alone), I reckon they'd rather get wasted that solve the problem. Fine by me. :)
8. Have someone around. I thought I'd be all alone on this trip. I was actually okay with that, until I got to the street and was completely overwhelmed. Strangeness is comforting, but sometimes it can be frustrating. Anyway, turns out I have a couple of relatives here (who I'll be meeting tomorrow night). I'm also meeting a friend of a friend, which is cool because I know he'll allow me to be the tourist that I absolutely want to be but won't be able to do alone because I'd look too silly. Hehe. Then of course I have my London-based officemates. Lovely.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Sorry
Did I fail? As a cousin, an ate, did I fail?
I wanted to be with her that day. To tell her things are going to be okay, no matter what. That she needn't be scared, need not care what the outcome is, even though it might matter the world to the rest of the family.
Because fear and pressure drive us further down, this I know well. I wanted her to understand that she can step out of that, even for just a few hours.
I never knew if she was indeed afraid. Or how she felt at all that day. Didn't see her eyes. Wasn't able to catch her. I had. to go. to work. And I'll regret it, that choice I made, for the rest of my life.
I wanted to be with her that day. To tell her things are going to be okay, no matter what. That she needn't be scared, need not care what the outcome is, even though it might matter the world to the rest of the family.
Because fear and pressure drive us further down, this I know well. I wanted her to understand that she can step out of that, even for just a few hours.
I never knew if she was indeed afraid. Or how she felt at all that day. Didn't see her eyes. Wasn't able to catch her. I had. to go. to work. And I'll regret it, that choice I made, for the rest of my life.
Friday, January 19, 2007
right, left, justified
I cried yesterday. As in hagulgol. I didn't expect to cry so hard. Buti na lang tulog na mga tao sa bahay.
I was watching the late night news and I couldn't control myself any longer. Then I texted my mom.
Me: Bakit keilangan basagin ang glass doors and windows at tutukan ng long arms ang mga anak ng dismissed Iloilo governor para lang mapaalis siya? It's becoming too insane. And heartbreaking.
Mama: I wanted to cry kaninang umaga nang mapanood ko. Nalulungkot ako. Gusto ko na lang magpayaman kung di pa huli ang lahat, kesa mag-practice. Di ko na mamukhaan ang itsura ng justice.
My mother is a lawyer. A good one with a compassionate heart and a good sense of justice (probably why she never became rich from lawyering). What she said made me sadder and mirrored my frustration. I wanted to ask, Martial Law na ba? But I already knew what her answer would be: No. Not yet, anyway.
Well it's pretty damn close.
Granted, Gov. Niel Tupas and others being suspended or dismissed did something wrong. At this point it's something difficult to ascertain, especially in light of the blatant political maneuvering that will climax on election day. But when you feign the attempt to correct these wrongs with an even greater wrong, whatever little credibility you claim you have goes kaput.
When we were in Iloilo last December my relatives asked my dad if he had any plans of running for office in Iloilo. They chided him, saying he better move quick because they've been seeing the FG and son Mikey Arroyo in the area lately, driving around, lingering. Rumors are the Arroyos are interested in asserting their Ilonggo-ness so they can take over that little corner of the archipelago, too. Regionalism can be so convenient.
And now this. Who wouldn't think it fishy for a public official to be convicted of and dismissed for a crime he wasn't even tried for? And with only a photocopy of the said order? Moro-moro na ito. It's not just in Iloilo. You'd be a moron not to see the same, exact thing happening all over the country. So far I think only Makati Mayor Jojo Binay has been spared because, hell, he's extremely powerful that way. Evicting him means crippling the business capital of the country. Binay knows that, so everyone else can go to hell.
***
Power. It's like vertigo, the way it was described in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Looking down from high above, you know that falling will kill you, and you know better than to look down. Yet you are inexplicably attracted to the prospect of jumping. There's this strong force that sucks you in and threatens to throw you overboard. It's a moment of uncertainty and ambiguity, where lines are blurred and the abyss seems to closer to sky than you'd ever thnk.
Methinks practically all politicians suffer from that fatal attraction. On strange twilights I think even I feel it too, sometimes. Pretty scary, I tell you. Although I thnk I'd be a lousy politician; I'd be sobbing every 10 minutes and I won't last more than one term (if I finish one term at all) because I wouldn't know how to "protect" my position. I certainly wouldn't use force or harassment. Takot ko lang sa nanay ko, hahaha. Sometimes I wish all families had mothers like mine.
***
Minutes after the police assault at the Iloilo provincial capitol, a 60-day temporary restraining order on enforcement of the dismissal finally arrived. Public officials and employees present during the raid had been pleading with PNP to hold off and wait for the said TRO, but they did not listen. People had to suffer from physical attack and sheer terrorism from our national police before they were given what was due them. Funny how we risk life and limb, and maim and kill for our interests, for what we think is right.
What is right, anyway? In the plurality of today's world, it's hard to figure out. Who's to say if the DILG did the right thing in dismissing Gov Tupas and all other "offending public officials"? And in using M-16 armalites to do so? On the other hand, who's to say whether ot not the people who went on vigil for three nights and barricaded the capitol building with their bodies to protect their governor were right?
Perhaps it's easier to see what is honest. No matter what your personal truth is, if it is presented honestly, unveiled and sans deception - of others and of oneself, and even if you "lose", you will be justified.
I was watching the late night news and I couldn't control myself any longer. Then I texted my mom.
Me: Bakit keilangan basagin ang glass doors and windows at tutukan ng long arms ang mga anak ng dismissed Iloilo governor para lang mapaalis siya? It's becoming too insane. And heartbreaking.
Mama: I wanted to cry kaninang umaga nang mapanood ko. Nalulungkot ako. Gusto ko na lang magpayaman kung di pa huli ang lahat, kesa mag-practice. Di ko na mamukhaan ang itsura ng justice.
My mother is a lawyer. A good one with a compassionate heart and a good sense of justice (probably why she never became rich from lawyering). What she said made me sadder and mirrored my frustration. I wanted to ask, Martial Law na ba? But I already knew what her answer would be: No. Not yet, anyway.
Well it's pretty damn close.
Granted, Gov. Niel Tupas and others being suspended or dismissed did something wrong. At this point it's something difficult to ascertain, especially in light of the blatant political maneuvering that will climax on election day. But when you feign the attempt to correct these wrongs with an even greater wrong, whatever little credibility you claim you have goes kaput.
When we were in Iloilo last December my relatives asked my dad if he had any plans of running for office in Iloilo. They chided him, saying he better move quick because they've been seeing the FG and son Mikey Arroyo in the area lately, driving around, lingering. Rumors are the Arroyos are interested in asserting their Ilonggo-ness so they can take over that little corner of the archipelago, too. Regionalism can be so convenient.
And now this. Who wouldn't think it fishy for a public official to be convicted of and dismissed for a crime he wasn't even tried for? And with only a photocopy of the said order? Moro-moro na ito. It's not just in Iloilo. You'd be a moron not to see the same, exact thing happening all over the country. So far I think only Makati Mayor Jojo Binay has been spared because, hell, he's extremely powerful that way. Evicting him means crippling the business capital of the country. Binay knows that, so everyone else can go to hell.
***
Power. It's like vertigo, the way it was described in The Unbearable Lightness of Being. Looking down from high above, you know that falling will kill you, and you know better than to look down. Yet you are inexplicably attracted to the prospect of jumping. There's this strong force that sucks you in and threatens to throw you overboard. It's a moment of uncertainty and ambiguity, where lines are blurred and the abyss seems to closer to sky than you'd ever thnk.
Methinks practically all politicians suffer from that fatal attraction. On strange twilights I think even I feel it too, sometimes. Pretty scary, I tell you. Although I thnk I'd be a lousy politician; I'd be sobbing every 10 minutes and I won't last more than one term (if I finish one term at all) because I wouldn't know how to "protect" my position. I certainly wouldn't use force or harassment. Takot ko lang sa nanay ko, hahaha. Sometimes I wish all families had mothers like mine.
***
Minutes after the police assault at the Iloilo provincial capitol, a 60-day temporary restraining order on enforcement of the dismissal finally arrived. Public officials and employees present during the raid had been pleading with PNP to hold off and wait for the said TRO, but they did not listen. People had to suffer from physical attack and sheer terrorism from our national police before they were given what was due them. Funny how we risk life and limb, and maim and kill for our interests, for what we think is right.
What is right, anyway? In the plurality of today's world, it's hard to figure out. Who's to say if the DILG did the right thing in dismissing Gov Tupas and all other "offending public officials"? And in using M-16 armalites to do so? On the other hand, who's to say whether ot not the people who went on vigil for three nights and barricaded the capitol building with their bodies to protect their governor were right?
Perhaps it's easier to see what is honest. No matter what your personal truth is, if it is presented honestly, unveiled and sans deception - of others and of oneself, and even if you "lose", you will be justified.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
what if
Life truly is about choices. It isn't just the choice itself, but the moment that contains the act of choosing - that entire time-space experience, whether instantaneous or protracted - that aptly and sometimes harshly defines your life.
Who am I? Why am I here? Such difficult questions that have hounded humans since the beginning of time. The long, painstaking journey to such end has been heralded by philosophers, writers, artists, even mathematicians, and has driven countless people mad. This, the greatest journey of all, can be answered in a split-second.
Every time you make a decision, your entire life flashes before you - your past, present, future. Every choice is a shoutout, an affirmation of your entire being, a confirmation, sometimes denial, resistance, resignation. Whatever it is, it is trasmitted as an active feedback to the situation presented before you.
Moreover, while this feedback is often considered as an end unto itself (don't we always treat decisions with a sense of finality?), it is also a beginning. It is the link that keeps the wheels of your life turning, whether you are aware of it or not, whether you like or not. It is dynamic. This feedback is part of, in the words of Friedmann, a transaction. A continuous experience that has quality, body and texture. It is unique in all the world because you are unique in all the world. No one sees the universe like you do.
Shit, could it be the gap Ivan has been looking for in his theory? Double shit, this is what I've been saying in my thesis all along. :o
Who am I? Why am I here? Such difficult questions that have hounded humans since the beginning of time. The long, painstaking journey to such end has been heralded by philosophers, writers, artists, even mathematicians, and has driven countless people mad. This, the greatest journey of all, can be answered in a split-second.
Every time you make a decision, your entire life flashes before you - your past, present, future. Every choice is a shoutout, an affirmation of your entire being, a confirmation, sometimes denial, resistance, resignation. Whatever it is, it is trasmitted as an active feedback to the situation presented before you.
Moreover, while this feedback is often considered as an end unto itself (don't we always treat decisions with a sense of finality?), it is also a beginning. It is the link that keeps the wheels of your life turning, whether you are aware of it or not, whether you like or not. It is dynamic. This feedback is part of, in the words of Friedmann, a transaction. A continuous experience that has quality, body and texture. It is unique in all the world because you are unique in all the world. No one sees the universe like you do.
Shit, could it be the gap Ivan has been looking for in his theory? Double shit, this is what I've been saying in my thesis all along. :o
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)